Post by Rose's Thorn on Dec 28, 2008 17:21:09 GMT -5
I was on Neopets, and me and a bunch of people made up a list of "rules" that make fun of people who claim to be literate but really just are role play failures.
Here's the link to the guild we made based on the list:
www.neopets.com/guilds/guild.phtml?id=3777692
And here's the link to the list itself:
www.neopets.com/~thenewliterate
(If you scroll down after the list itself, there's a bunch of pictures and banners and stuff that we made.)
And here's a slightly modified list that I made myself (it's no less authentic than the one I just posted - it's just a little bit different, but it's over all the same thing. I know it's different, but I still can't figure out where):
1. You must state that you're literate.
2. Your character HAS to be Emo
3. Your character must have very thick eyeliner (so they can have the appearance of a raccoon)
4. Even though your character is living in poverty, don't forget their blackberry and convertible!
5. Your character needs puffy, oddly colored hair.
6. One must have a horrible, gut-wrenching, tear-jerking history that usually invovles abuse and/or a parent leaving and/or pa$$ing away.
7. You must use "Thee", "Thou", and "hast" to make yourself sound smarter.
8. Your font most be black /and/ super small
9. Your intro /most/ be longer that a novel
10. You must have a link.
11. Said link MUST somehow list orientation on it.
12. A literate's list must be phrased, "She sees through green orbs" or "She runs a hairbrush through thick golden locks".
13. Drench each sentence in a bucket's worth of purple prose. Bonus if you can work thesaurus words in that when people ask what you mean you can respond with 'You, don't know what that means?'
14. Leave nothing to imagination, and show nothing through dialog. Explain it ALL in flowery, obnoxiously long sentences.
15. You use the term 'lation instead of clicking one extra key and typing relation.
16. You MUST drag a simple "Hello" into a long description of nothing very important that no one really cares about.
17. You have to use silly little pet names like hun, darling, sweetie, honey, and whatnot when we clearly do not want you calling us these things, for we're not your 'darling' or 'hun'.
18. Your character must be anorexically thin and /very/ pale.
19. Either that or obnoxiously tan...and still way to thin.
20. You must describe your character's eyes as orbs. They are no longer ovals or circles, they are "orbs".
21. Tell everything, and show nothing.
22. Your character must be 'odd' or 'misunderstood' and always show it through the way he/she dresses, not through action.
23. You must have a severe god complex.
24. You know that high school is no longer TWO words, but one.
25. You must have && somewhere in your board title.
26. You must describe, in avid detail, every piece of clothing your character is wearing. Like it actually had anything to do with the rest of the rp.
27. Nobody has brown eyes. Icy/clear/light/brilliant blue/green/grey are most common.
26. Everyone has brilliant very noticeable eyes. Kind, innocent, sweet, sorrowful, hard, /something/. They're never just THERE.
28. If in a horse roleplay, horses MUST have pistons instead of legs, opticals instead of eyes and must always rear and neigh.
29. You may not have a character that is Eastern European, Asians with darker skin, or African.
30. You must not show any sense of humor.
31. Personality of your character doesn't matter. As long as you describe their house, every single thing in their closet, and their Hello Kitty convertible, you're good.
32. In order to be literate, you must use the first-person.
33. Your female character must have long black hair, icy blue eyes, a "fiery" personality, and a Wapanese name that you claim you "Made up yourself."
34. Your intro must take up the first 3 pages and be all about your characters morning. If anybody interrupts it, kill.
35. In order to be literate, your character must have a twin sister/brother and be the youngest of three kids, with the oldest having several problems.
36. In order to be literate, you must judge a person's ability to roleplay by their font.
37. Your character must wake up to "the annoying buzzing of her alarm clock"
38. Girls either need to be abnormally short (so they're cute) or tall enough to be a model so they can be beautiful and statuesque (but not too tall. That's just unattractive).
39. Guys must always be at LEAST 5'9, 6'0 or taller is preferred though.
40. In order to be literate, your character needs to have some over-exaggerated name.
41. Your blond ought to have a Japanese name.
42. Your character must be some variant of Edward Cullen.
43. Your character should be a stereotypical underweight scene-boy character.
44. In a Medieval Fantasy role play, bring in a Far East Asian in.
45. Nobody is ugly, genuinely, completely, irredeemably, UGLY.
46. REAL literates have AT LEAST 7 posts worth of meaningless description.
47. Your character can't have brown hair and brown eyes together. It's forbidden.
48. The only way that's acceptable is if it's 'Long, flowing dark brunette hair and golden brown eyes the colour of chocolate and caramel mixed together to make a big gloopy tub of sweetness"
49. Either that, or everyone is likable and has a soft spot to those that 'get to know them'.
50. You say 'must post a link' and 'no lists' in the same breath.
51. Your character must have totally silly quirks or always being incredibly random.
52. Boys with long hair = NOT COOL.
53. Girls with natural hair colors = NOT COOL.
54. Average weight for age = NOT COOL.
55. OCD = ULTRA COOL.
56. Tourette's Syndrome = NOT COOL.
57. Schizophrenia + Multiple personality disorder + different colored eyes = ULTRA COOL.
58. Your High School character MUST have lip and multiple ear piercings. Especially if you’re a guy.
59. A tragic history is a character flaw.
60. All 100%, fair-skinned, white Americans NEED to have Asian eyes or perfectly tanned skin.
61. To be literate, your character may NOT wear gla$$es or be fat.
62. They can wear large grandpa gla$$es, because that is perfectly acceptable. But no normal frames.
63. And if your character is extremely sweet and kind, she has to have her MEAN side. And if you mess with her friends, she'll get on her mean side! because she can kick any guys butt.
64. The girls that are sooo tough get kidnapped. Because sometimes it's so hard to be soooo tough. And you need a man to save you.
65. All vampires must be either American or English/British.
66. Your character has to like all modern music. Anything older than the late 90's is a big no no! Especially not Pink Floyd. Deadheads have to go. Juggalos, only.
67. Or they are all big fans of the 80s, but the ~cool~ 80s music and fashions. Like legwarmers.
68. Everyone needs to HATE rap but still know all of the words to ICP/Twiztid/Dark Lotus stuff.
69. The only exception to "NO OLD MUSIC!" is Rocky Horror. Everyone needs to know songs from RHPS.
70. Your characters must, must, MUST hate their creator.
71. Literates HAVE to type perfectly. If they make a typo, the world explodes.
72. On EVERY literate board, EVERY character intro is about their character waking up and getting ready for school. 90% of those intros involve the character's parents calling their full name in order to wake them up.
73. You have to have a picture of some random scene person that you found on myspace and use their picture as your character without their permission.
74. If you are Literate and wish to give your character flaws, you go WAY overboard. Drxnks, smxkes, does drxgs, cxrses, abxses people, THE WORKS. Because EVERY person who has ONE of these flaws automatically has ALL of them.
75. You may role play yourself or someone you know.
76. If you are Literate and you have a made-up for Harry Potter roleplays, they must be a random Muggle-born in either Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff that is nearly impossible to fit into the plot.
77. Your character must be "confused", plays for the "same" team, or plays for both teams.
78. Your character must have perfect, cat like reflexes…able to fall off a building and still be alright..until of course a boy and/or/ girl comes around and you then have the balance of a twig.
79. Your character MUST be // or bi to be cool.
80. Literates spend 5 or 6 pages looking for instant relationships ('lations).
81. Vampires must be ultra Twilight.
82. If you're cool, your vampire drinks /animals/.
83. Your vampire must be inpenetrable(sp) and super strong.
84. You MUST refrain from capitalizing ANYTHING ooc.
85. Your character must either be the most submissive, obedient, sweet, kind being on the face of the earth, or a frightening bully to everything and its grandmother.
86. To be literate you need to be in a guild with everyone else who is literate. If you are not in the guild, you are not literate!
87. They have to have nicknames that have nothing to do with their name.
88. Use cliches and big overused words and stupid phrasing as much as possible.
89. In order to be Literate, you must give cookies, brownies, or some other edible item to the lurkers.
90. You must give friends some sort of thing that let's them have power over the rest of the board.
91. To be literate your character must have a bunch of phobias that you went to some random site to find. And they can't just be creeped out by clowns... They have to be absolutely terrified!
92. If you are literate you must kill your parents and be sad about it... and not in jail.
93. If you're literate and get in a fight you must dodge EVERY SINGLE ATTACK to be cool. Also you cannot pull a gun or knife and will only bleed minorly from the mouth once down. You will not have bruises the next day.
94. In order to be literate, your character must have deceased parents, and yet they have to be the nicest person in the world, as well as one of the happiest.
95. To be a literate male you must hit on every girl you meet. To be a literate female you must not think they are coming on to you at all.
96. In order to be literate, you must have the opinion that everyone else is beneath you in their level role playing skill.
97. You must butcher a thesaurus in every single post in order to improve your elite status, and further prove the point that you are better than everyone else due to you extensive vocabulary.
98. If your male character is actually acting like a man, you're doing it wrong.
99. The only good roleplays are one x one roleplays. Don't forget to make 5-10 boards advertising it with a snappy title that's in another language or 'decked out'
100. You're only cool if you tell everyone they fail
101. You /have/ to say you have power over everyone at the board.
102. All lits MUST have an a$$ortment of pointy stuffs to keep around in case you need them.
103. The literate with the larger number of friends on a board is always right?
104. All literate use smiley faces with big eyes ie:
105. To truly be a literate, you must constantly complain about being rusty or losing your muse. You are never at your best. Ever.
106. Your account must be a newbie and you can't have any numbers in your name
107. All opposite genders must melt before your character because of his/her breathtaking beauty.
108. If another character's play by picture isn't scene, ignore them.
Here's the link to the guild we made based on the list:
www.neopets.com/guilds/guild.phtml?id=3777692
And here's the link to the list itself:
www.neopets.com/~thenewliterate
(If you scroll down after the list itself, there's a bunch of pictures and banners and stuff that we made.)
And here's a slightly modified list that I made myself (it's no less authentic than the one I just posted - it's just a little bit different, but it's over all the same thing. I know it's different, but I still can't figure out where):
1. You must state that you're literate.
2. Your character HAS to be Emo
3. Your character must have very thick eyeliner (so they can have the appearance of a raccoon)
4. Even though your character is living in poverty, don't forget their blackberry and convertible!
5. Your character needs puffy, oddly colored hair.
6. One must have a horrible, gut-wrenching, tear-jerking history that usually invovles abuse and/or a parent leaving and/or pa$$ing away.
7. You must use "Thee", "Thou", and "hast" to make yourself sound smarter.
8. Your font most be black /and/ super small
9. Your intro /most/ be longer that a novel
10. You must have a link.
11. Said link MUST somehow list orientation on it.
12. A literate's list must be phrased, "She sees through green orbs" or "She runs a hairbrush through thick golden locks".
13. Drench each sentence in a bucket's worth of purple prose. Bonus if you can work thesaurus words in that when people ask what you mean you can respond with 'You, don't know what that means?'
14. Leave nothing to imagination, and show nothing through dialog. Explain it ALL in flowery, obnoxiously long sentences.
15. You use the term 'lation instead of clicking one extra key and typing relation.
16. You MUST drag a simple "Hello" into a long description of nothing very important that no one really cares about.
17. You have to use silly little pet names like hun, darling, sweetie, honey, and whatnot when we clearly do not want you calling us these things, for we're not your 'darling' or 'hun'.
18. Your character must be anorexically thin and /very/ pale.
19. Either that or obnoxiously tan...and still way to thin.
20. You must describe your character's eyes as orbs. They are no longer ovals or circles, they are "orbs".
21. Tell everything, and show nothing.
22. Your character must be 'odd' or 'misunderstood' and always show it through the way he/she dresses, not through action.
23. You must have a severe god complex.
24. You know that high school is no longer TWO words, but one.
25. You must have && somewhere in your board title.
26. You must describe, in avid detail, every piece of clothing your character is wearing. Like it actually had anything to do with the rest of the rp.
27. Nobody has brown eyes. Icy/clear/light/brilliant blue/green/grey are most common.
26. Everyone has brilliant very noticeable eyes. Kind, innocent, sweet, sorrowful, hard, /something/. They're never just THERE.
28. If in a horse roleplay, horses MUST have pistons instead of legs, opticals instead of eyes and must always rear and neigh.
29. You may not have a character that is Eastern European, Asians with darker skin, or African.
30. You must not show any sense of humor.
31. Personality of your character doesn't matter. As long as you describe their house, every single thing in their closet, and their Hello Kitty convertible, you're good.
32. In order to be literate, you must use the first-person.
33. Your female character must have long black hair, icy blue eyes, a "fiery" personality, and a Wapanese name that you claim you "Made up yourself."
34. Your intro must take up the first 3 pages and be all about your characters morning. If anybody interrupts it, kill.
35. In order to be literate, your character must have a twin sister/brother and be the youngest of three kids, with the oldest having several problems.
36. In order to be literate, you must judge a person's ability to roleplay by their font.
37. Your character must wake up to "the annoying buzzing of her alarm clock"
38. Girls either need to be abnormally short (so they're cute) or tall enough to be a model so they can be beautiful and statuesque (but not too tall. That's just unattractive).
39. Guys must always be at LEAST 5'9, 6'0 or taller is preferred though.
40. In order to be literate, your character needs to have some over-exaggerated name.
41. Your blond ought to have a Japanese name.
42. Your character must be some variant of Edward Cullen.
43. Your character should be a stereotypical underweight scene-boy character.
44. In a Medieval Fantasy role play, bring in a Far East Asian in.
45. Nobody is ugly, genuinely, completely, irredeemably, UGLY.
46. REAL literates have AT LEAST 7 posts worth of meaningless description.
47. Your character can't have brown hair and brown eyes together. It's forbidden.
48. The only way that's acceptable is if it's 'Long, flowing dark brunette hair and golden brown eyes the colour of chocolate and caramel mixed together to make a big gloopy tub of sweetness"
49. Either that, or everyone is likable and has a soft spot to those that 'get to know them'.
50. You say 'must post a link' and 'no lists' in the same breath.
51. Your character must have totally silly quirks or always being incredibly random.
52. Boys with long hair = NOT COOL.
53. Girls with natural hair colors = NOT COOL.
54. Average weight for age = NOT COOL.
55. OCD = ULTRA COOL.
56. Tourette's Syndrome = NOT COOL.
57. Schizophrenia + Multiple personality disorder + different colored eyes = ULTRA COOL.
58. Your High School character MUST have lip and multiple ear piercings. Especially if you’re a guy.
59. A tragic history is a character flaw.
60. All 100%, fair-skinned, white Americans NEED to have Asian eyes or perfectly tanned skin.
61. To be literate, your character may NOT wear gla$$es or be fat.
62. They can wear large grandpa gla$$es, because that is perfectly acceptable. But no normal frames.
63. And if your character is extremely sweet and kind, she has to have her MEAN side. And if you mess with her friends, she'll get on her mean side! because she can kick any guys butt.
64. The girls that are sooo tough get kidnapped. Because sometimes it's so hard to be soooo tough. And you need a man to save you.
65. All vampires must be either American or English/British.
66. Your character has to like all modern music. Anything older than the late 90's is a big no no! Especially not Pink Floyd. Deadheads have to go. Juggalos, only.
67. Or they are all big fans of the 80s, but the ~cool~ 80s music and fashions. Like legwarmers.
68. Everyone needs to HATE rap but still know all of the words to ICP/Twiztid/Dark Lotus stuff.
69. The only exception to "NO OLD MUSIC!" is Rocky Horror. Everyone needs to know songs from RHPS.
70. Your characters must, must, MUST hate their creator.
71. Literates HAVE to type perfectly. If they make a typo, the world explodes.
72. On EVERY literate board, EVERY character intro is about their character waking up and getting ready for school. 90% of those intros involve the character's parents calling their full name in order to wake them up.
73. You have to have a picture of some random scene person that you found on myspace and use their picture as your character without their permission.
74. If you are Literate and wish to give your character flaws, you go WAY overboard. Drxnks, smxkes, does drxgs, cxrses, abxses people, THE WORKS. Because EVERY person who has ONE of these flaws automatically has ALL of them.
75. You may role play yourself or someone you know.
76. If you are Literate and you have a made-up for Harry Potter roleplays, they must be a random Muggle-born in either Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff that is nearly impossible to fit into the plot.
77. Your character must be "confused", plays for the "same" team, or plays for both teams.
78. Your character must have perfect, cat like reflexes…able to fall off a building and still be alright..until of course a boy and/or/ girl comes around and you then have the balance of a twig.
79. Your character MUST be // or bi to be cool.
80. Literates spend 5 or 6 pages looking for instant relationships ('lations).
81. Vampires must be ultra Twilight.
82. If you're cool, your vampire drinks /animals/.
83. Your vampire must be inpenetrable(sp) and super strong.
84. You MUST refrain from capitalizing ANYTHING ooc.
85. Your character must either be the most submissive, obedient, sweet, kind being on the face of the earth, or a frightening bully to everything and its grandmother.
86. To be literate you need to be in a guild with everyone else who is literate. If you are not in the guild, you are not literate!
87. They have to have nicknames that have nothing to do with their name.
88. Use cliches and big overused words and stupid phrasing as much as possible.
89. In order to be Literate, you must give cookies, brownies, or some other edible item to the lurkers.
90. You must give friends some sort of thing that let's them have power over the rest of the board.
91. To be literate your character must have a bunch of phobias that you went to some random site to find. And they can't just be creeped out by clowns... They have to be absolutely terrified!
92. If you are literate you must kill your parents and be sad about it... and not in jail.
93. If you're literate and get in a fight you must dodge EVERY SINGLE ATTACK to be cool. Also you cannot pull a gun or knife and will only bleed minorly from the mouth once down. You will not have bruises the next day.
94. In order to be literate, your character must have deceased parents, and yet they have to be the nicest person in the world, as well as one of the happiest.
95. To be a literate male you must hit on every girl you meet. To be a literate female you must not think they are coming on to you at all.
96. In order to be literate, you must have the opinion that everyone else is beneath you in their level role playing skill.
97. You must butcher a thesaurus in every single post in order to improve your elite status, and further prove the point that you are better than everyone else due to you extensive vocabulary.
98. If your male character is actually acting like a man, you're doing it wrong.
99. The only good roleplays are one x one roleplays. Don't forget to make 5-10 boards advertising it with a snappy title that's in another language or 'decked out'
100. You're only cool if you tell everyone they fail
101. You /have/ to say you have power over everyone at the board.
102. All lits MUST have an a$$ortment of pointy stuffs to keep around in case you need them.
103. The literate with the larger number of friends on a board is always right?
104. All literate use smiley faces with big eyes ie:
105. To truly be a literate, you must constantly complain about being rusty or losing your muse. You are never at your best. Ever.
106. Your account must be a newbie and you can't have any numbers in your name
107. All opposite genders must melt before your character because of his/her breathtaking beauty.
108. If another character's play by picture isn't scene, ignore them.